Somewhere, Over the Rainbow

2010-06-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

Aites, i'm feeling fucking fed up now.
first him, second her, third me.
wtf?
somebody told me that you told her..
you were single last X'mas.
great, last X'mas you brought me home and intro as gf and made me half-drunk.
me? gf? i tot you were single!
aites, i confronted you and all you said was.
if you think this way, so be it.
then fine.
i'm sorry for ranting at you two days ago..
do you know that it affected me alot?
alot?
did you know that because of you, i met up with a online friend?
we went to the staircase to chat..
and things happened..
i tot i've forgotten bout you..
the feeling was fucking different.
it's just way fucking different.
fuck, i still feel so dirty.
it's not your fault..
it's just my fault.
nth's your fault..
it's all mine.
having you to leave me is my fault for i fail to keep you by my side.
i'm a failure in everything, i know.
and thanks for proving it to me.
all the while we've been together,
were nth but lies.
lies.
thanks for spending your fucking precious time with me.
all your 'i love yous' are lies..
;)

your ex before me, is being such a bitch now alrite?
come disturb me like nobody's fucking business.
just because she got big breast, sweet cleavage and good fashion-taste and figure.
she got all the rights to humiliate me this way right?
then fine.
let it be.

so everything still sums down to me.
everything is my fault.
dont you know?
can you see the blood dripping? no.
they dont drip.
they just accumulate and form a red bubble on the wrist.
pretty isn't it?

split headache, fuck myself.
i'm nth but a sore loser.
HAHA!
i'm an irritant.

2010-06-08T13:12:00.003+08:00

Do you have any idea how much these hurts me?
you'll never know..
never.

the feeling was so fucking wrong.
note : fucking wrong
i know it doesn't matter.
i know what i said that day was on impulse, but have you tot about how i feel?
no, you dunno anything..
and i dont need you to know.
it's totally different.
we are like strangers now.
if one day we meet on the street,
dont forget to walk away without looking back.
i wont miss you.
i will let you go, one day.
soon.
if you see cuts on my wrist,
it means that i'm still missing you and i love you.
98302033 is alrdy carved in my heart, how can i forget?
tell me how?
how..
everything reminds me of you.
haha, have you ever imagined a person who used to be so happy, easily-contented, cheerful to be someone without a smile, pessimistic, no positive mood.

let me show you..

you've changed me.

2010-04-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

When i first met you, i had a strong feeling for you. - 27 Oct 09
When i first talk to you, i was stammering.
When i first sat beside you, i was at loss.
When i left you on the first day we met, i had an urge to see you again.
When i see you again, i was elated. - 3 Oct 09
When i first you pissed, i was afraid.
When i first saw you talking to a girl, i started to get jealous. - 4Oct 09
When i obey your first instruction, i was smiling.
When you first leaned on my back, i was happy.
When i first saw you sleeping, i took pictures of you.
When i first experience your morning bad mood, i kept quiet.
When you left me again, i was worried i wont see you again.
You contacted me again, i felt very happy although you just needed help. - 14 Oct 09
You wanted to find New Moon.
I borrowed the book for you and you came over to take it. - 15 Oct 09
You stayed with me till very late and in the end helped my classmates and i with the charity bazaar. - 16 Oct 09

You stead with Regine and i got fking jealous.

We went Yishun Park and buried the messages. - 9 Nov 09
We went for Stepup BBQ tgt and swam in the sea. - 12-14 Nov 09
We stead at 2334. - 16 Nov 09
We broke. - 20 Mar 10
We patch. - 26 Mar 10
We broke at 1658. - 28 Mar 10

2010-03-20T21:51:00.002+08:00

Daryl, idk wad went wrong.
if you wan me to leave you alone..i will.
but this way you say is like breaking up.
i'm sorry i hurt myself..
i really wan us to last long..
really.
really.
wad am i in your eyes?

why?

2010-03-20T17:13:00.002+08:00

I was upset last night.
idk whether you are testing me or wad, the conclusion was that i was hurt.
do you know?
why tell me when you wanted to hide it from me?
friends are more impt right?
just becoz your friend wans smth, you must get it for her uh?
dont you know that?
friendship is more important than any other r/s except kinship.

utterly disappointed.

trust lvl drop.

if i could find any of my penknives last night,
i'll make sure i leave scar but i couldn't.

2010-01-26T22:33:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry uh..

yesterday was...

really too much to handle. :x

well,

i promise i wont do it again uh.

Promise, no break.

After i bathed,

i went to the room in the tears and fish out all my penknifes.

without hesitation,

i cut deeply into my skin..

i didn't cut near to my pulse uh...

coz the penknife was rather rusty.

so i tot didn't cut coz no blood.

then i cut again.

then this time got blood.

along with the first cut,

the blood ooze out.

little by little.

then the blood merge.

-.-

then still very angry.

then cut again.

but not as hard as prev two times.

initially wanted to cut madly like last year but rmb i'm not suppose to cut. :x

so stop le..

then rmb i haven drink medicine.

so went to take the cough syrup that was under my study table and drank it.

agar agar saw the amount left inside before i drink.

then open the bottle and started to drink..

didn't care bout how much i drank.

just kept drinking and drinking..

then suddenly rmb got side effect if overdose.

so i stopped.

felt abit giddy.

so hid the bottle back under my table and the penknifes beside my bed.

off fan, off aircon, off light, slam door and crawl into bed.

wrapped myself with my blanket and msg-ed you.

then those negative images kept flashing in my mind.

then i kept laughing and laughing.

i could no longer differentiate whether i'm laughing or crying anymore.

i just felt numb, felt high.

had a taste of the side effect of overdosing cough syrup.

i tried to stop myself from smiling and laughing..

but to no avail.

i felt like though i was controlled.

no longer by me.

i just know that i felt so horrible.

horrible.

i'm sorry.

i wont do it again le.

i'm serious.

sorry for making you angry and worried.

2010-01-17T20:51:00.005+08:00

I'm not perfect enough for you..
not pretty enough for you..
not smart enough for you...
not caring enough for you..
not good enough for you...
i'm just...
lousy..
great,
i found the word..
lousy.
fuck it.
i...
just...
sux...
not worthy to be your gf...

i just feel this way...
i...
just feel so lousy...
just lousy...
for no reason...
i told her everything...
she just said alot of things..
to trust you..
have faith in us.
i believe you, i trust you...
i...
just dont trust myself...
i just kinda hate myself..
fuck this feeling.
i hate this...

i hope you feel happy with me..
as in..
really happy.
i'm happy too.

i just feel,
lousy...

2010-01-17T14:52:00.002+08:00

fuck her.
i dont really dislike her till i see things, i hear things and know things.
now,
i really dont like her.
_|_
pure or not pure, triple or combine.
E/A maths.
nothing matters.
it's the people that matters.
_|_

TM

2010-01-17T14:44:00.001+08:00

I tot it was you..
just wasn't sure..
but am glad, it's you..
(so it was really melissa waving at me outside kfc that night. LOL.)

2010-01-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

Did i saved the little boy's life?
no la, not to that extend.
i just helped to minimise the trouble the hospital had to go through - contact family members.
haha.
called the school to inform bout the accident behind the school.

Baby, thanks for today.
nothing happened uh..
haha.
i forgot wad happen le.
yay !
a series of things happened at night, can't rmb wad happen le. :x

Tomorrow gotta reach pri by 9am. :x
gotta teach my junior meng die ( gaohu )
ohh, speaking of erhu.
some stupid rdm cher called my dad and complained that i didn't attend school activity.
-.-
_|_
he said he called me.
as if uh idiot.
if it's gavin goh. =.=
crap uh.
tmr lesson's 3pm.
sighh~

2010-01-11T18:16:00.001+08:00

From FB:
Don't just take a shower - feel into and receive pleasure from the water on your skin. Don't just walk on the street - enjoy the fragrances of the trees and the flowers on your way.

that's why i bathe so slow and walk so slow. ;D

2010-01-09T19:49:00.002+08:00

Tied two plaits after eating at North Point.
reminds me of 2003-2004 de CO performances and stuffs.
looks guai can can can.
wanted to visit nyp today but nvr go.
1) xuanhui and i go till sian liao.
2) my card left not much $.
so went north point to waste time.

Went to sch for orientation.
abit boring + crazy.
only crazy awhile nia.
coz was talking to quite a few parents bout their kids' CCAs and stuffs.
then was shouting in the canteen,
join CO,
join NE,
join Photography.
then shushan and co. shouted join InfoComm.
then forgot who shouted for his Ug too.
like that lor.
then went RP after that.
boring.

2010-01-09T19:35:00.001+08:00

Wadeva.

2010-01-07T23:27:00.003+08:00

I agree with ' Virgo in the Nutshell' very much! :x

2010-01-07T23:27:00.001+08:00

Virgo Astrology August 23- September 22

Virgo Strength Keywords:

- Analytical
- Observant
- Helpful
- Reliable
- Precise

Virgo Weakness Keywords:

- Skeptical
- Fussy
- Inflexible
- Cold
- Interfering

Virgo and Independence:

Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign. They are fully able to put their intelligence to use and get things done for themselves. It is possible however that their narrow mindedness causes their creativity to suffer and they may lead regular routine lives. They may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit their ability to move forward and confuse themselves. In conclusion, Virgos are able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficult if someone is not there helping them to achieve more and not be so critical of themselves.

Virgo and Friendship:

People look up to Virgo for friends because they are straight thinkers and solve problems logically. They are truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find them cold or emotionally detached because they live in their minds, not in their emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how a Virgo friend is feeling because they easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when Virgo is not well but if they confront them about it, they would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from a Virgo friend unless they open up to you first. Virgo might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that they will improve their life, not purely for the sake of controlling. Be patient with your Virgo friend and understand that their recommendations are only to make your life better.

Virgo and Business:

Virgos are very intelligent, they have an excellent memory and a highly analytical mind. This makes them good investigators and researchers. They also have the ability to probe into a person's emotions and they can often see into people and detect what their motives are. This makes them great policemen or interrogators. Virgos are very good at problem solving, this is what they do best. They are confronted with a problem, they will pick apart the pieces and put it together in the proper order. They are rational thinkers and are good at settling other people's disputes and putting them on the right track for reconciliation. Any position that requires the above features, which is a very long list, is perfect for the Virgo. They keep the world in order.

Virgo Temperament:

Before a Virgo plunges into anything, from a problem to a vacation idea, they need to analyze all the facts and know all the details before they plunge in and make a decision. This makes them seem indecisive and slow. Virgo's perception is their reality, more so then other astrology signs. What they believe is what will be, if they have a negative outlook on life, things will present themselves to be negative and they will be very moody and isolated/detached. If they are positive, the same events that occur will be held in a positive light and they will be a pleasant, well adjusted person. A Virgo mind is a very powerful mind and they must have the proper attitude for their life to be happy and successful. Virgo needs to get in touch with their feelings, this is why they usually seem cold or detached. They are very prone of living in denial. They will say the feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out, the one thing that Virgo does not like to analyze is their feelings so pretending everything is okay is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at their feelings. Virgo has an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament.

Virgo Deep Inside:

They need to be organized in their mind, sometimes all their energy is taken from organizing their mind that they have a difficult time organizing their surroundings. They easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what they percept. Virgo is ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in their eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, Virgo will not be settled for they have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. Virgos want to be of use, they need to be important and essential to everyone in their lives and in everything they do. Virgo's major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. They have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to them, they do not have to always know everything. They need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, Virgo is very sensitive and they need to be appreciated for all the things they do. When is Virgo is offended or hurt, they may never show it.

Virgo in a Nutshell:

Virgo exists in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgo can tire itself out without even moving! Virgo has a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something.

2010-01-07T22:07:00.000+08:00

I'm going to do it !
I will.

Went SP and NP today.
nth much~~
:x
going TP tmr. ;DD

2010-01-06T23:46:00.002+08:00

I fell in love with my Maths teacher !

Damn the line.
eeeeek.
wad's wrong with starhub.
better call them tmr before i murder starhub. :x

going on poly visits tmr ! ;D

2010-01-05T20:58:00.001+08:00

'At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.'-Plato

2010-01-05T20:34:00.002+08:00

The worst part of life is waiting. The best part of life is having someone worth waiting for.

2010-01-05T20:33:00.001+08:00

The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best.

2010-01-05T20:18:00.002+08:00

love today's erhu sectional prac !
yays.
it's shiok shiok shiok !
wahaha.
play till whole arm numb man !
omg.

2010-01-05T19:18:00.001+08:00

Saturday will still be going school.
yays !
go help photography club.
wahaha~

2010-01-05T19:07:00.002+08:00

Darling, thanks for the msg-es though i can't reply. :x

Maths lesson !
yahooo <3
omg, i fell in love with tan wah sing le !
cool man !
stories !
waste time. -.-
yeah, anyway.
two periods : one hour plus
covered only chap 11.1.
lol?
then went off halfway coz gotta go for NE amazing race.
then finished my chap 11.1 and 11.2 notes.
i'm faster than her eh.
:x
thanks to the textbook.
then got one question not very sure.
then after school go find her ask.
not bad uh?
so guai.
as if.
idc wad, i wan top my maths again !
jacq, you wait ! ;D
dont think you my study partner big deal uh !
MUAHAHA.
okay lurh, love you lurh ho.
except that you are in separate physics class le.
):
sighh.
nvm, still got other classes.
haha !!
went co after school, like so guai can.
-.-
then the new TIC come gl the whole orchestra.
diao.
he keep repeating the things over and over again.
_|_
nvm eh.
then he's talking to the sec 2s.
then there's only 3 sec 2s.
then he say our instructors teach them very slow.
now still learning basic songs.
wait, they dont even know their basic then how they play songs?
VERY funny. =.=

ohhh,
something happened during lunch break today.
:x
jiarong, emily, xuanhui and i were eating on the same table.
then i look up and say dont you think panlaoshi very diandengpao?
coz jinlaoshi, liulaoshi and panlaoshi all standing together outside the CO room.
then dunno wad.
then i say liulaoshi and jinlaoshi are husband and wife ma.
then jiarong dont believe me.
then i say no la.
liu lao shi is panlaoshi's wife.
xulaoshi is laowei's daughter.
xiaowei is xulaoshi's mother.
then forgot le.
then we were laughing !!
haha.
like MAD lor !!
then on the way back.
i say jiarong should hook a guy from cello ma.
just like why xulaoshi and zhangyuming are tgt.
because of erhu.
so jiarong should get a guy from cello and be tgt becoz of cello.
HAHA !
then there's only one guy in cello, which is..
ta-da !
Farhan !!
HAHA.
alright,
while these were going on.
emily dont understand anything.
:X
coz, three of us are CO members but emily is not.
SEE LA !
you should join CO right !
hahs.

gonna skip CO !!!!
crap. :D

2010-01-04T22:12:00.005+08:00

i hope that today morning will rain big big so i can walk to school in rain.
and ta da !
IT RAINED !!
;DDD
YAHOO !!
then like tht lor.
then emily blame me for praying that it'll rain today.
haha !!!!

2010-01-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

change of teachers.
OMG.
maths - tws !
chinese - rice teacher.
WTH !
told my mother.
this two subjects no need study liao.
CRAP.
oh ya,
history - alawden.
:x
DIE.

2010-01-04T19:25:00.002+08:00

perfectly hopeless~

anything just sms me @ 83098341 ( singtel prepaid).
wont reply but at least i still can read then if got anything i'll call you.

will be using 83224740 (starhub line) on wednesday.
anything, just call.
sms if you wan also can but wont be able to reply too.

un-contactable

2010-01-04T19:19:00.002+08:00

I am myself.
but why do i not understand myself?
why do i not even know how to express myself?
how stupid am i?
horrible.
having to keep everything to myself just sux.
sux.
if only everything i wish for really come true.
the first wish i wan...
is to get knocked down by a car while crossing the road.

Did you know that i was just behind you?
you dont know right?
if you were to just turn and look, you'ld have saw me.
but you didn't...
no,
everything's my fault. ;DD
my fault.

2010-01-03T22:57:00.001+08:00

FUCK.

2010-01-03T22:40:00.003+08:00

Therefore i conclude:
i am a problem.
no, i'm problems.

one button - moodswing
one button - angry
one button - upset
one button - emo
one button - jealous
one button - quiet
one button - love
one button - hate

do you even know which button i'm pressing now?

2010-01-03T18:37:00.000+08:00

梦与他

在路上我看见了你，

觉得你的面很熟悉。

不知道在哪里见过，

原来是我梦里的他。

认识了你的为人，

认识了你的性格。

不管发生什么，

你都在我旁。

不断给我力量，

和窝心的心。

让我认识了你，

和你的爱。

习惯了你的照顾，

习惯了你的关怀。

让我不知不觉，

已习惯有你。

但如果有一天，

你真的离去。

我真的不知道，

该做什么。

爱上了你的笑容，

爱上了你的温柔。

当我爱上了你，

我不知所措。

只能够默默地，

爱你在心中。

不愿让你知道，

我多爱你。

我没有勇气告诉你，

世上最痛苦的事是；

当我站在你的面前,

你却不知道我爱你。

我只能爱你在梦里。

在梦里~

2010-01-03T01:25:00.002+08:00

梦与他

在路上我看见了你，

觉得你的面很收悉。

不知道在哪里见过，

原来是我梦里的他。

认识了你的为人，

认识了你的性格。

让我认识了你，

你这个朋友。

不管发生什么，

你都在我旁，

不断给我力量，

加油打气。

习惯了你的照顾，

习惯了你的关怀。

让我不知不觉，

已习惯有你。

但如果有一天，

你真的离去。

我真的不知道，

该做什么。

爱上了你的笑容，

爱上了你的温柔。

当我爱上了你，

我不知所措。

但不知你懂吗，

还是不要说。

我真的不知道，

该做什么。

还记得在那个晚上，

我们坐在沙滩听浪。

你悄悄地告诉了我，

我爱你，你接受我吗。

2010-01-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

I got weird dreams recently..
really weird dreams..
and i rarely got dreams to dream..
guess i'm just worrying a LITTLE too much.
nvm de.
hahas.
i believe you~ <3
hmmm...
dreams.
dont always happen.
even if it does,
not everything will happen accordingly.
nvm,
it's turning into crap le. :X
school's starting soon! :s

2010-01-01T15:59:00.003+08:00

From wad i see from the facebook groups,
things that a person experienced..
happens on other people too.
When you're down,
believe that you're not the only.
believe that you wont be always this way.
When you're happy,
believe that you'll always be.
it doesn't sound logical, does it?

200th post !

2010-01-01T15:05:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year !　：Ｄ

上帝创造了水是因为看见你口渴
上帝创造了米是因为看见你饿
上帝创造了爱情所以世界上开始有了白痴。。。

2009-12-30T22:13:00.000+08:00

one day~
i shall just leave the house without saying anything.
and vanish.
-.-
crap.
we'll wait..till she returns me my money.
crap. =.=

2009-12-30T00:02:00.001+08:00

'Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.'- Franklin P. Jones

2009-12-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

'The first duty of love-is to listen.'- Paul Johannes Tillich

2009-12-30T00:01:00.001+08:00

'Love comfortheth like sunshine after rain.' - William Shakespeare

2009-12-30T00:00:00.001+08:00

'Love is the flower - you've got to let grow.'- John Lennon

2009-12-29T23:59:00.003+08:00

'Who, being loved, is poor?'- Oscar Wilde

2009-12-29T23:59:00.001+08:00

'Real love stories never have endings.'- Richard Bach

2009-12-29T23:58:00.001+08:00

'He is not a lover who does not love forever. '- Euripides

2009-12-29T23:57:00.001+08:00

'Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind'-William Shakespeare

2009-12-29T23:56:00.001+08:00

'There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.' - George Sand

2009-12-29T23:55:00.005+08:00

'True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending.'-K. Knight

2009-12-29T23:55:00.003+08:00

'If I know what love is, it is because of you.'-Hermann Hesse

2009-12-29T23:55:00.001+08:00

'There is no remedy for love but to love more.'-Thoreau

2009-12-29T23:52:00.005+08:00

'The life and love we create is the life and love we live.' - Leo F. Buscaglia

2009-12-29T23:52:00.003+08:00

When you love someone, all your saved up wishes start coming out.'- Elizabeth Bowen

2009-12-29T23:52:00.001+08:00

'The best proof of love is trust.'-Joyce Brothers

2009-12-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

'If music be the food of love,play on.' - William Shakespeare

2009-12-29T23:51:00.001+08:00

'The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love'- Hubert Horatio Humphrey

2009-12-29T23:49:00.003+08:00

'For you see, each day I love you more Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow' -Rosemonde Gerard

2009-12-29T23:49:00.001+08:00

'A simple I love you means more than money.' -Frank Sinatra

2009-12-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

tired of life.
tired of lies.
tired of things that are going ways that idk why and i can't be bothered to ask why.

each person pay $5 and there are around 20+ people.
20+ times $5 = $100++?
$100++ celebrating for x<5 people.
how expensive.
it's just crap can.
=.=

2009-12-28T22:56:00.005+08:00

I dont like people to control me.
I dont like to listen to people's commands.
I dont like people to keep asking where i am, with who, doing wad and why am i going to that place, why am i with the person and why am i going there.
I dont like people to tell me what to do.

Second hand smoke kills, do you know?
if i die,
it'll be your fault.
fuck.

i'm turning soft.
-.-
crap.
shall stop posting le.
wanted to write alot de.
-.-
i used to be..
strong?
even if i'm not, as least i'm strong on the outside.
suddenly feel so stressed up.
no, i can't.
i gotta be strong and happy.
whenever things go wrong,
all i can do is.
smile and treat it as nothing.
no matter how it hurts,
i dont wan people to worry or wadeva.
wad's wrong.
uh crap.
i'm going to be back to my original self tmr.
treat this as nothing.
just ranting.
nothing's wrong.
nothing will go wrong.
feel so trapped.
just wanna runaway.
runaway from reality.
runaway from home.

fuck.
feel so crap.
-'-
breathe in,
breathe out.
first word out : fuck
wad's wrong man.
CCA.
CCA.
commitments.
feeling so dizzy out of a sudden.
fuck.
i dont wan trouble people.
i dont like people to be worried bout me.
i dont wan trouble people.
find me hideous or wadeva.
i dont do anything to gain sympathy, attention.
even if it's attention.
it's just a little attention i need i guess.
i...just need alittle care.
that's all i need.
feeling giddy now.
ignore these rubbish.
maybe tmr i'll read this again and laugh.
HAHA.
these few days,
i keep thinking of one of the daily horoscope thingy msg from fb.
stop thinking bout others, it's time to think bout yourself.
if i dont care bout my friends, if i dont think bout them.
if one day i leave here...
will my friends still rmb me?
the moments i cared for them,
the times i hurt myself so they wont get hurt instead?
maybe it's nothing..
maybe it's my job..
maybe it's my job as a friend.
or maybe i'm just plain stupid.
i'm going mad.
suddenly find myself very stupid.
wan example?
i use 2009 to learn one dumb, stupid grade song.
ello,
ONE.
not very long,
just 3 pages only.
stupid enough?
wad else?
i forgot how to express myself.
i forgot bout myself.
while shopping for presents these days,
i realised that i know who like wad and who dont like wad.
at least roughly.
then i ask myself.
wad do i like?
wad do i not like?

'hahahahahaha' is a good way to cover your sadness, angryness and all negative feelings.
but i dont like 'haha'.

Special Order

2009-12-28T01:30:00.002+08:00

Alrights.
Daryl ask why never post bout the ring thing.
see uh !

i went yishun last evening to pass grace's X'mas present to Daryl then we went to eat KFC for dinner.
then we went to shop for emily's pig present but none of cute enough leh.
then we went to power9 to buy ring and waited for them to engrave it.
ta-da.
alright,
that's how the ring came about.

went EN in the morning for service.
:x
was..errr..
wow?
then blah blah blah~
they gave each of the new comers a chinese bible.
:X
omg uh.
then we recieved a EN towel too.
lols.
then service then lunch~
ate ate ate then left.
went daryl's house to watch 2012 then nvr watch liao.
then that person went to play some kids' games.
:X
then went to find emily and we went to expo.
ta-da.
then blah blah blah.
home sweet home~

Gastric day.
CRAP.

2009-12-27T00:37:00.000+08:00

When you are sad,
you think of the happiness you've experienced before.
When you are happy,
but alone,
you think of the sad things you've experienced.
When you are sad,
but with friends,
they tend to call you emotional down.
When you are happy,
but with friends,
they call you high.
What is the mood that people expect from you?
The kind of mood that suits the atmosphere,
the kind of mood that suits the day.
When the day gets too perfect,
you know nothing will go wrong.
When the day gets too rotten,
you know everything is a mess.
We hide from the reality,
We hide from the truth.
But one day we have to know,
that nothing will always turn out the way you want,
the way you hope,
nor the way you plan it to be.
This is what people call,
surprise.
When you thought that your life is too bland,
someone will give you something.
Something that makes you feel irritated,
happy
or sad.
It is the something that is going to enter your life,
and change it.
Though it's a small change,
it's still a change.
Treat it as a small stone that you might stumble when you cross a road.
Even if it's a big change,
it's a change that cannot be avoided.
Treat it as a challenge for you and people believe that you will overcome.
A challenge is an opportunity for you to grow as you go through it.
People learn as they grow as they overcome the challenge they face.

-MElodyflows

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

2009-12-26T01:05:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas peeps !
Hope you guys enjoyed yourself. :D

Didn't really enjoy it very much last night.
:x
i meant X'mas eve.

Went Bugis with Shahidah, Dewi and shushan !
Was okay uh~
shop shop..
then dewi and shushan bought a sling bag/handbag each.
the ppl working at zinc was..
LOL !
lame.
lala~
skip.
Went to buy slippers from Everlast then shah went off to find her aunt.
):
eeek.
then we 3 nothing to do went to the empty corridor de stairs and sit and chat..
bout some stuffs.
:x
haha !!!

Went to Jason's house for his party.
Reached there rather late.
hehe.
was waiting for emily..
who alighted the wrong stop due to wrong instruction..
lala, then go jason's house.
play with his kids for awhile then we started to makan.
then started to play game.
but they took forever to start a game.
=.=
then jason took out a toy pistol and shoot my head.
=.=
CRAP.
pain can !
then he shoot again.
then the guys kept shooting me.
wth.
-'-
then fandi shoot me.
you know whr he shoot?
he shoot my chest.
Wtf.
fk you la !
nb, wan play then play properly la.
wadeva, mood ruin.
crap~
alright.
daryl came while we were playing.
:x
and i was playing the strategy game till high can.
i dont believe i will lose de hor !!
:D
according to my experience,
i nvr lose before.
LOL !
ignore the starting few rounds uh.
hahas !
then we left around 11+pm after we exchange our gifts.
i got jason's notebook.
my windchime went to almost everybody's hand.
LOL.
and daryl got it in the end.
hahas.
then we left jason's house.
took bus over to toa payoh(?) then change train over to marina bay then to city hall and jurong east and finally woodlands.
lol !
when 12 strike, we wished us Merry Christmas on the train. hahas !
walked home till the stop at sch's side gate.
then saw the 911 and chased for it and board it.
LOL.
one stop nia.
haha.
reached home, read read storybook then went to sleep le.

Went to ALIVE community church for the last time at oriental plaza.
moving place le wor.
hahas.
reach the place rather late :x
the talk was bout..
errr..
if i'm not wrong...
mothers?
that's wad i heard i think..
from hwee ling.
:x
hehe.
then had the singing session.
Ode to the joy and one more song.
Grace?
o.0
then had buffet for lunch.
coz it's the last day, a number of them brought the food into the auditorium coz it's normally no food and drinks.
haha.
since it's the last day le, nobody cares.
LOL !
haha.
see them chit chat and stuffs.
lol.
i'm not quiet, just observing..
haha !
went daryl's house after that for X'mas celebration~

2009-12-23T23:15:00.001+08:00

jeal⋅ous–adjective

1.	feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his rich brother.

2.	feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his brother's wealth.

3.	characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.

4.	inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband.

5.	solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something: The American people are jealous of their freedom.

6.	Bible. intolerant of unfaithfulness or rivalry: The Lord is a jealous God.

2009-12-22T19:40:00.002+08:00

the feeling of gastric..
is shiok!

Saw huang huang today after i ran away from co, away from that cheena conductor.
he got back his N lvl results le.
took a look.
he flunk 3 subjects.
only choice, ITE.

if one year later, i fail the same number of subject as him...

i'll cut myself and fill the big big mug with my own blood and drink it all up.

2009-12-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

if an encouragement can just give me hope,
i'll tried.
if i were to rewind time,
things wont be like this.

fuck life.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I buy, I cut, I see, I post, He ask, I lied, I laugh and cry.

dont get bluffed by me.
i didn't cut.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
fuck you studies.

i'll own you next year, you wait and see.
Bitch !

2009-12-21T02:08:00.002+08:00

i wanna go back to the time before i know the word call : insecurity

Dont wanna update blog le.
so boring lor.
:x
life's boring.
uh anyway..
nothing.
haha.
just crap.
shopped at cwp today alone.
feeling abit weird but rather nice.
sometimes staying at the playground watching kids play is just a kind of silence fun.
so long since i got gastric.
suddenly miss the feeling of the pain.
haha.
so random.
:x
-yawn-

i love you baby <3

2009-12-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry..

2009-12-19T23:40:00.003+08:00

hahahahahahaha,
you wan know everything?
i can tell you.
i get jealous.
over wad?
nothing.
hahaha.
wadeva uh.
dont forget,
it's your life, your problem.
i got no rights to tell you wad to do and wad not to do.
wadeva.
hahahahahahaha.

bye.

2009-12-19T23:28:00.000+08:00

oh fuck.
=.=

sighhhhhhh...

feel like ending my _i_e.
=.=

wtf.
impossible.
nvm.
ignore this post.

thx.
bye.

2009-12-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

just finished the fruit juice that i like alot.
and now i feel like puking.

ah fk.

2009-12-19T20:56:00.001+08:00

Sometimes staying alone in the dark is much better..Watch the kids play with the only worry of going home late and get scolded from parents. Time just pass...Sometimes staying alone at the playground is much better.. HAHA !

2009-12-19T16:04:00.000+08:00

Do you love me?
Or do you not?
you told me once, but i forgot.
So tell me now, and tell me true, so I can say that I love you.
Of all the guys I’ve ever met, you’re the one, I won’t forget.
And if I die before you do, I go to heaven and wait for you.

From the moment I saw you i knew this was true
So damn beautiful my eyes fixated on you.
I wanted to hug you, hold you so tight,
I wanted to tell you this feels so right.
Now i have a voice, my feelings out loud,
A smile on my face so happy and proud.
A girl with a dream and a dream come true,
A girl who has found the one, the one is you!

When I first saw you I was afraid to meet you,
When I first met you i was afraid to kiss you,
When I first kissed you I was afraid to love you,
and now that i love you i am afraid to loose you.

Love is like a river, or maybe a deep blue sea.
Love flows on forever, always and endlessly.
Love is something special, something you can’t touch or see.
Love is amazing, this thing I feel for you and you for me.

I’m not afraid of death,
I’m not afraid of dying.
I’m not afraid of heartbreak
and I’m not afraid of crying.
The only thing I fear of ever really comming true,
is living this fearless life without you.

You’re the first thing i think of each morning when i rise.
You’re the last thing i think of each night when i close my eyes.
You’re in each thought, i have and every breath i take.
My feelings are growing stronger with every move i make.
I want to prove i love you, but thats the hardest part.
If i tell you a secret, could it lead to a new start?

(via xbabsx)
quoted from Enqi's tumblr.

2009-12-18T01:10:00.001+08:00

wad's with the headaches recently.
must be lack of sleep.
i'm convinced. ^^

2009-12-18T01:03:00.002+08:00

I keep telling myself : ' it will last'
'it will last'
but i'm still not convinced.
-.-
how stupid can you get.
HAHA !!
c'mon ppl, laugh !
these 3 days are so wrong.
why is there excess water every night?
Cry to sleep...
Sensitive..moodswing..jealous..angry..sad..happy..
name it wadeva you wan.
i dont care.

Updated~

2009-12-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

16 Dec <3

Started today with waking up early and reporting to primary school.
nvr bring pass. =x
Stupid new principal.
female wor.
then meet grace for breakfast then pei her go polyclinic see doctor.
Grace, WASTE $$ can !
small flu nia.
Then went somewhr to walk.
dont ask me whr.
Wasn't feeling very well in the morning.
woke up with a stomachache and headache.
nvm...it doesn't matter.
then went off to meet daryl~
he's slowpoke! :x
then he walk the wrong side.
hahas.
told him i know the way le eh ! bleahs ~
then in the end, walked one big round.
reached cine.
no more tix le, then nvr watch.
so walk around~
then went suntec.
things went wrong. ;x
sry darling~ =x
then went to the fountain of wealth..
outdoor de.
then sit on the bench..
then i read my book while he read smth else.
then after he finish reading le then he tell me to face another side and read.
-.-
then he put a necklace on me. ;D
hahas.
then we went to take bus over to yishun and change then to 888~
then meet emily for KFC.
then fandi suddenly pop out.
:x
then he left at 10.
while emily went home to use her stupid toilet.
and daryl went off to buy drink.
so i was like at the playground..
alone.
-.-
then called daryl to ask him whr he is.
he say he walking back le.
then wait lor.
when i was about to stand up and walk off. ;x
i saw him.
then he was rushing me to meet emily like though she got into wad trouble.
then walk fast lor.
then he brought me to somewhr.
just under a block.
lol.
then blur blur eyes see blur blur lights.
then rmb emily asked me whr to buy candles.
and she say it's Urgent coz her sisters wan to play.
no wonder, hahas.
alright,
walked through the road with the lighted candles on the side of the trail.
and reached the shelter.
tried to figure the words formed by lighted candles:
' I love you' uh~
hahas.
Emily actually bought NINE packets of candles, lol.
then used 5/6 packets.
then we sat down there and talk.
haha.
we chatted till all the candles except the last were either finished or blown off.
So i went over and blew off the last one.
\m/
yay !
nothing much lor.
Sent emily home then daryl sent me home and.
ta-da~
Home Sweet Home! <3

Happy First Month ! ;D

2009-12-16T00:46:00.000+08:00

I will be happy no matter what happen, I'm strong ! ;)

2009-12-16T00:40:00.007+08:00

U I was crying on the bus when i was heading home.
P why was i crying?
D i got no idea.
A wad's wrong with me?
T sms emily and say i'm sad.
E wad am i sad about?
D had the urge to cut but didn't. =x
!

yeah yeah~ updated le. ;D

2009-12-14T22:04:00.001+08:00

If smth were to happen to my mother,
i swear i wont let you go.
i'll make sure i hate you and curse you.
who cares if you're my father or not.
you're in the wrong and therefore we got the rights to do so.

2009-12-14T21:26:00.001+08:00

WTF.
my father scold my mother 'two-face freak'
is his fault eh!
he was the one who ps us at sengkang.
now he's scolding and shouting at my mother like though it's my mother's fault.
=.=
fuck you la !
cb, why make her cry.
FUCK YOU LA.

2009-12-13T16:13:00.001+08:00

Went for BBCO training today.
-.-
OMG.
ok, it's my fault.
i didn't even try to sight read the scores before going.
LOL.
so in the end was...
stone~
;D
next sunday is the performance.
omg,
gonna skip it.
=x

yilaymi~

2009-12-13T16:06:00.002+08:00

two days le.
):
but at least i received a sms yesterday.
haha.
imyd~

2009-12-12T13:33:00.003+08:00

Breakfast + lunch = economic rice.
sort of fine with it but the looks of it irks me.
=.=
GREEN vege.
omg.
just find it disgusting.
LOL.
but well, not bad.
next time get my mother to get my food better.
-.-
he go order the food that i dont like to eat.
nevertheless, i still gotta finish my food.
=.=
sighh..
looks like this meal can cover the 2 servings of vege le. LOL.
wahaha.

Going SCH later with evgps~
yay !

2009-12-10T22:22:00.001+08:00

addicted to juice.
omg, and i'm despo for it.
the machine is spoilt. WTH !
unfair.
=.=

2009-12-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

The kids street at IMM is haha, fun eh~~
saw alot of things that reminds Dewi, Xuanhui and I the past cartoons.
haha

2009-12-08T20:52:00.001+08:00

Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.

2009-12-08T20:36:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Shushan! <3

2009-12-08T20:20:00.002+08:00

Why do i get the feeling that you are controlling me?
WTF.

2009-12-07T23:54:00.003+08:00

4 person in your life how many have u found?

1st-urself,
2nd-1 u love most,
3rd-1 who love u most,
4th-1 you spend the rest of your life with.

firstly u'll meet the 1 u love most, and learn how love feels.
Because u know how love feels, so u can find the person who loves u most.
When u've experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, u'll then know what
it is u need most. Then u will find the person who is most suitable for u, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly,in real life,these 3 people are usually not the same person.
The one u love most doesn't love you. The one,who love u most,is never the one u love most. And the one u spend your life with,is never the one u love most or the one who love u most.

He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are u in other people's life?
No person will purposely have a change of heart.
At the point in time when he loves u, he really loves u.
But when he doesn't love u anymore, he really doesn't love u anymore.
When he loves u, he can't pretend that he doesn't.
same goes, when he loves u no more, there's no way he can pretend he loves u. When a person doesn't love u and wants to leave u. u must ask yourself if u still love
him, If u also don't love him anymore, do not keep him just to save your pride. If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows u already don't love him, And if you don't love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, if you like the moon, you can't just take it down and put it in your basin, But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in you life. If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points, and the bad, You can't wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him. If he can't change to become what you like him to be, you don't love him anymore. When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test, If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love, They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises. Why do they ask each other to swear and promise? Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover.

These swear and promises are useless; Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for u will never change! We all know that the sky will never fall; the ocean will never dry, Even if it does happen, are we still alive by then? Be careful when making promises; don't make promises that you cannot keep. Swear by things that can never happen, because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually. Remember? Swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!?
In a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another;
The 1 saying, doesn't believe; the 1 listening, also doesn't believe.

2009-12-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

dont ask me why am i doing this.
i'm clueless too.

2009-12-07T23:35:00.001+08:00

Everything i do now is not hurting me.
Not at all.
you believe me?

DILY

2009-12-07T23:19:00.003+08:00

If you think dily is just plain saying, then you're wrong.
but if you think it is, then so be it.
you know i dont have the power to change one's mindset.
dont think that i dont care. i do.

MIA MIA MIA MIA

2009-12-07T23:01:00.008+08:00

i sux uh.
in everything.
i'm worse than her, bitch-er than her.
i spread gossips bout her.
i hate her alot eh.
she wont bother bout these anymore.
maybe she's used to these or wadeva.

i'm strong, nobody can hurt me. (actually anything can.)
i'll always be standing strong no matter what happens. (hoping everything will sooth on its own.)
maybe i'm too used to keeping everything to myself. (i trust the wrong ppl coz i'm stupid.)
the wall around me is just too high and strong.
i'm struggling to break through it.
you say i'm like water.
it's maybe becoz i dont like to control you.
when you say
"so i'm just someone whose relationship is just more than ur friend" (you think i wont get hurt?)
It leads me thinking.
maybei'mnotgoodenough,'lifeisneverperfect'isalwaystheansweriusetosooththestrugglewithinme.
i've decided to off my phone.
maybe i'll just sit there and think of wad i'm suppose to do. (i'm just this useless.)
you know i can't live long without my phone.
but maybe i can.

Daryl,
jiayou and study smart. ^^
nothing is your fault.

2009-12-05T23:26:00.001+08:00

Am i embarrassed?
i think you are the one. ^^

2009-12-05T23:23:00.001+08:00

如果有一天我失意了，我唯一不会忘记的就是我和你之间的仇。
即时你化成灰，我也会认得出你。

2009-12-05T23:19:00.001+08:00

is it because of her,
i no longer bothers bout wad's mine or not.
coz no matter how hard i explain, nobody's will to listen.
be it a teacher.
accused?
continue then.

Junior's Mother. So what?

2009-12-05T23:09:00.004+08:00

没有教养的女人不值得我们当她是人因为她是狗，认命吧！大人了不起？

Bitch.
Dont think you're old big deal uh.
to me, you're just a DOG.
no, maybe you're worse than a dog.
At least a dog knows how to wag its tail when it sees a human.
but her?
i'm not too sure.
Maybe she'll use her old eyeball and stare at you.
Fret not,
stare back.
scold her vulgarities she also cannot retaliate.
Go ahead and sue me.
Go ahead and report to the police.
We'll see who gets the last laugh.
I will never forgive you unless you KNEEL in front of me and lick the floor clean.
You made me do this.
Oh,
if you wanna sue.
I just wanna tell you that Evergreen Sec will be involved in this.
DO NOT forget.
You're the one who started this.
and I will be the one ending this.
I rule this game so you STUF.
Bribe the teachers in Primary School?
Continue then.
I'm no longer the innocent and obedient p5 girl you know years ago.
the idiot that can stand down there and cry like fuck for being accused.
the idiot who dont dare to say wad belongs to her.
the idiot who will let you insult her and threaten without making a sound.
Try that one more time and you'll die.
I-SWEAR.

2009-12-05T22:45:00.001+08:00

Nothing much to post.

rdm : tonight's broccoli seems to be specially sweet.
yummy~

dont feel like going out tmr.
so tired.
Panda-eye le..

2009-12-05T00:02:00.002+08:00

time now?
12.02am.
the weather outside is cool.
use com,
sit in front of the fan.
cold?
yeah..
it doesn't matter.
maybe my impulsive habit upset people again.
i'm really sorry.
am i a failure?
maybe.

2009-12-04T01:33:00.002+08:00

After lying to everyone around you,
you'll start to lie to yourself.
Slowly as time goes by,
you dont even know yourself.
What you think you are is just what you've lied in the first place.
So people ask,
Why did you lie?

If you believe everything i say,
you are stupid.
Dont trust me,
for i'm not trustworthy.
I lie.
I swear.
I curse.
I'm not as simple as you think I am.
Everything in the world can be a lie.
I am nothing,
but a lie.

I love you alot,
I can't live without you.
I dont wan to be alone,
i'm afraid.
I'm afraid of darkness,
i'm afraid of loneliness.
If one day i were to tell you all these are a lie.
You have to believe me.
Then i'll say nothing but,
i'm sorry.

2009-12-01T22:15:00.002+08:00

Argh, damn you com!
keep restarting and hanging.
wth la you!
wadeva~

went to work at evgps ysd.
boring sia.
eeek.

went office today~~
nothing much.
oh, i deleted my msg-es.
OMG !
unexpected.
can go bang wall liao!

life's so boring.

2009-11-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

Face very hot.
D;
sun burn again.
eeek~
but had fun.
nothing much.

i'm dying soon!
i saw the moon and the sun at the same time.
i'll die before 2012.

Will be going Malaysia tomorrow till sunday.
dont miss me uh~
who will.
=.=

Wadeva.

2009-11-27T07:44:00.000+08:00

tight schedule.
eeeeek.
updated. ^^
going malaysia tomorrow ! ;D
gonna MIA soon~ ;D

2009-11-24T00:57:00.001+08:00

i'm going to be strong and stop crying.

reason : it's not worth it.